I have been reflecting today, Mother’s Day, on my own mom and how much I love her.
As I’ve mentioned before, my mom raised us as a single mom, and she struggled with mental health issues most of my childhood. We did not have the cleanest house on the block. She didn’t bake, decorate, or garden, and she didn’t cook gourmet food.
I also know my mom made mistakes, but that’s not what I remember about her.
What I do remember is my mom sitting on my bed rubbing my back when I cried as a hormonal teenager. I remember her packing embarrassingly gigantic lunches when I went on field trips because she was afraid I would get hungry. And, I remember her compassionate responses when I was sick or struggling with something.
My mom really loved us. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
That verse gives me much comfort. I know I will make mistakes as a mom, and I will sin. I am lacking in a variety of areas. I have bad crabby days, but I love my kids deeply.
I hope that my kids remember my love for them and forget my mistakes :).
As I think back to the ways my mom showed her love to me, times that stick out to me vividly, these are a few of the things I want to emulate.
- My mom showed compassion and mercy when I was hurting, even if it was just a small sickness.
- She encouraged us often.
- She took the time to have a “special one on one time” with my brother, sister and I. Since she often didn’t have babysitters she would take us out of school once in a while for a lunch date. We cherished that time.
- She gave us consequences for our behavior, something I loathed at the time but have become thankful for.
- She was humble enough to apologize.
I remember a time right before I got married. I was praying and thinking about the possibly near future of being a mom. Something inside me felt scared and inadequate. The sense of responsibility washed over me. I wondered, well I still do wonder sometimes, am I going to mess my children up?
In hindsight I was scared because I thought I had to be perfect, and the picture I had of the “perfect mom” didn’t fit me.
I will never forget the mental image I saw in my head as I confessed my fear to God. I pictured a little boy laying in his bed, and I was kneeling beside him apologizing. It was as if the Lord was comforting me by saying, “you won’t be perfect, but you will be forgiven.”
That did bring me comfort, and I have apologized to my children many times since God spoke that to my heart ten years ago. Just yesterday I turned down the radio in our car and said, “sorry I was crabby today. I have had a bad attitude, will you guys forgive me?”
They accepted my apology, as they always do. Sometimes we as parents think it’s unnecessary to apologize, but doing so models a repentant heart, brings reconciliation and shows our kids that we aren’t perfect just because we are the parents.
Thank you Mom for modeling deep love for me. Thank you for your humility, and your empathy. It’s why I still call you almost daily. You listen, you understand, and when I am struggling you pray with me.
I pray for a healthy and godly relationship with my children and that I can model for them the deep, deep love of Christ.